15 Weeks Update

Like before it's been 5 weeks since I last blogged. I'm now 15 weeks and 1 day along in pregnancy.

At 10 weeks we had a scare when our fertility doctor detected "fluid" in our baby's abdomen cavity and rushed us to a high risk doctor with the words "viability of pregnancy" written on our referral paperwork. 

Of course we were absolutely devastated and struggled to get through the next two weeks as we waited to see a fetal specialist. After losing one baby, the thought of losing another wasn't a possibility -not for us, not again. 

I was tired of bad news and knowing what the pain of losing a child feels like paired with watching our family hurt for us -I didn't feel strong enough, I couldn't go through that all over again. 

We went into our appointment at 12 weeks prepared to find out what we were facing medically and were ready to learn what accommodations we would need to care for our child because we both knew one thing -we were bringing this baby home, no matter what!

But to our surprise and probably the most miraculous surprise of our lives, at 12 weeks and 2 days the fluid was COMPLETELY GONE -all.on.its.own ~praise God!!! 

What a moment in time that I will absolutely never forget. In that moment it was like life was breathed back into my heart -my entire being felt full. The joy inside of me rejuvenated my soul and the fatigue I'd been experiencing for weeks disappeared -but only for a few hours, of course, once the adrenaline of the good news diminished I crashed and slept like a baby that night. 

Completely ecstatic to know I was bringing home a baby AND a healthy baby finally felt as if I was being granted permission from above to celebrate. I immediately reached out to a close friend and asked if she could take announcement photos for us the following week. She was more than willing and our intended-to-be quick and simple session turned into such a therapeutic process for me as her and I sat and talked about my journey and as she shared her experience as a first time mom with me.

At 14 weeks we announced our pregnancy on social media -an experience I plan to write about soon, but at 15 weeks I am loving being able to say "I'm almost 4 months pregnant." I think we've agreed on a name, and yes we do know what we are having but have yet to share that. I was waiting for our regular OB to confirm the gender from our fertility doctor but I didn't realize I wouldn't have another ultrasound until the 20 week mark. We were so used to weekly ultrasounds with our IVF doctor, not seeing our baby as often is hard to get used to. 

I have no current cravings but still experience extreme fatigue and the reality of becoming a mother, a totally selfless being, is setting in. In the airport a few days ago I watched a mother wearing a front baby carrier, gently pacing back and forth to calm her son as she kept an eye on her two older children seated nearby -and I thought her back must hurt, and her feet too, and wow this is her third, and whoa -the incredibility of being a mother and a new sense of appreciation for all mothers moved me. 

Moving from a place of worry and mourning into a place of joy was a hard transition for me but mothers around me daily continue to move me and inspire me, even strangers. I am grateful for this experience and am so in love with this little baby inside of me.