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A Mother Mourning A Child

Mourning:an expression of, or time of grieving that follows a loved one's death or other serious loss

I describe my miscarriage asthe death of my first childbecause that is what it was to me and that is what I felt. 

I felt death
Following my miscarriage I expected that my time of mourning would end

When it didn't I was confused -I didn't understand why.

I was struggling so much to "get over it" and unfortunately I became deeply depressed at the start of my current pregnancy because of that. I wanted so badly to "move on," and when I didn't -I became disappointed in myself. 

I felt weak. 

I wasn't myself -I was a shell of who I truly am. Connecting to my second child was slow.

...I was scared to love my own child again. 
-That was how I shutting all emotional connection off to my baby and to others around me. 

A friend questioned me about my distant presence and I was embarrassed to admit I was still mourning my first child

Maybe it was …

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