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Becoming A Mom

Becoming a mom was hard... -really, really hard for me.  My newborn cried -likea lot. My milk supply never really came in.I hated all of the pumping.I didn't have the patience for breastfeeding. The witching hour(s) were real.All of his cries sounded the same.All of his cues looked the same. ... and I had no clue what I was doing at any given moment.  Bringing home a newborn for the very first time wasn't the life changing experience I expected it to be. All of my conscious and unconscious thoughts and emotions were now enthralled by the existence of a child -my child
His cries made my heart race
I was confused all of the time and that made me believe I would never figure it out. "It" being motherhood.
Becoming a mom meant so much to me. It meant so much that I feared it. I questioned everything I did to the point of anxiety -the kind of anxiety that keeps you awake through sleepless nights' sleep deprivation.
Motherhood felt like a thing I couldn't attain. 
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