You Might Say I'm One of The Lucky Ones...

You might say I'm one of the lucky ones because my first IVF cycle resulted in a healthy pregnancy.

You might say I’m one of the lucky ones because I made NINE (9) healthy embryos (babies).

You might say, "Well now you might be able to do it naturally after this, right?"

Just because IVF resulted in a healthy pregnancy for me doesn’t mean my infertility is over.

My menstrual cycle completely went away for an ENTIRE YEAR in 2015. I was diagnosed with PCOS as a teen -that is when my infertility journey began.

I have no idea what’s next for my body after this pregnancy or how it will respond to ALL of the hormones I’ve been on for over a year or, all of the hormones it took to get me here, to 28 weeks pregnant.

I’m grateful for the 9 emby babies that my husband and I made...those are our babies, that’s our DNA... 

-they are us!

Each one is a human life with so much of itself already determined but frozen in time -waiting for the opportunity of life. 

So no, I don’t want to just try naturally after this. 

I want to give life to my babies waiting to meet me. The ones I’ve been waiting to meet all of my life. 

And for the emby babies I don’t birth I have 3 choices. I can “discard” them, donate them to science or, donate them to another couple. 

None of which feels easy!

How could anyone throw out their own flesh and blood? 

To you, you might see a test tube, to me I see my child, equal to the child I carry inside of me now.

How could I donate them to science signing over all rights to know what “science” means for them...what kind of life would that be? What kind of experiment would they become?

How could I give them away without ever knowing them? Without ever knowing if they had my toes, or nose, or their dad’s sense of humor or... -(deep sigh)?

Infertility has taught me so much more than just infertility. 

Infertility has taught me to be gentle with my opinions and kind with my words because infertility taught me that sometimes what people are going through is too difficult to discuss.

Infertility has taught me to be accepting of what God gives and grateful for what he takes because infertility taught me His plan is always better.

Infertility has taught me to be strong when I feel weak and open when I feel strong because infertility taught me strength comes in the form of vulnerability.

Infertility has taught me to be open-minded to life and trusting of the unknown because infertility, throughout all of the pain taught me to...

Open my heart.