It's Like I've Just Been Waiting to Meet You

My greatest fear is losing my baby.

I try to remind myself that the baby is healthy with a strong heartbeat but then I remember the words "viability of pregnancy" written on my referral paperwork to the high risk doctor I saw two weeks ago.

It's ironic that the day before my 10 week appointment the loss of my first baby was heavy on my heart.

It hasn't left me since.

I try not to think too deeply into it as it being a warning sign but honestly, sometimes I do.

I don't know that any woman who has experienced the loss of a child will ever go on as the same woman she was before -ever.

That loss has left its mark on my heart and the hurt is a reminder and the reason for my worry and anxiety.

I didn't know you could love someone so much before you'd ever met them.

But I guess that's true because the way I love you is like I've known you all my life and I've just been waiting to meet you.

And the thought of losing you is like losing life itself.

They say to trust God but...

It's hard to trust that loss and hurt are my destined path.

Everyday not knowing, I am pretending and hiding from that -that feeling of distrust and hopelessness.